Hell is...

1) a teething toddler

2) a teething toddler with a temperature

3) a teething, sneezing toddler who's simply desperate to spend time with mummy between 4am and 7am

4) a teething, sneezing, non-sleeping toddler who gives mummy their cold. Not what I had in mind as a parent when I talked about hoping to instil a sense of generosity

5) looking after said teething, sneezing, non-sleeping toddler with a bone-aching cold myself and, horror to end all horrible horrors, no CBeebies because the internet is down

6) the slow realisation that no internet = no email, no Facebook and no BBC. Free fall panic. There's a minimum number of UK cookery programmes/soap operas/satirical news shows etc I need to see a week in order to survive this motherhood business

7) nothing for entertainment but Italian TV. ie: boobs and bums and 'Jersey Shore'(more boobs and bums). Re-runs of badly dubbed 'Murder She Wrote'. And that's prime time, I can't even talk about what's on mid-afternoon

8) did I mention that it's been snowing for 2 days and it's minus 5 outside?

9) btw, I'm 6 months pregnant. No medicine for that cold, signora. I'm tempted to sneak a few gulps of Isabel's Calpol

10) and G is away

Peekaboo! Sorry, that was the sound of me losing it...