Why did I do it? I was lonely. It gets to me, just hanging out in the forest, no other wolves to pick fleas off. I know what you’re thinking. It all goes back to when I saw my mother killed by that woodcutter when I was a cub. Whatever. Just to set the record straight, I did not gobble up the girl’s dotty grandma, my emotions may be flattened by Prozac but I’m not a complete monster, I just locked her in the bathroom. I slipped on her cotton night dress and night cap and did a spin in front of the mirror. I used to secretly prance around in my mum’s high heels and lippy you know. Never told anyone of course, you’ve got to maintain a certain reputation in the pack but now I’m a lone wolf it doesn’t matter. Anyway, I was snuggling down under the old dear’s quilt when the girl knocked on the door. It seems crazy now, but I really thought that this was the only way to make friends with the little girl, to get her to like me for who I am. Admittedly, there were some quite major flaws in my plan but I was desperate. Initially she seemed to have fallen for my disguise and I was so excited I couldn’t help smiling. That’s what did it. All those pointy teeth that I’m so fussy about flossing had her running for the door, bang into that damn woodcutter. Wouldn’t you believe it but it was the same hulking buffoon who shot my mother. Typical. It was the grandma who saved me by screeching from the bathroom. I ran out while the woodcutter was smashing the door down.
I’m thinking about a fresh start now, another forest maybe. I still wear that night dress from time to time though and I simply adore the night cap.