BUGS BUGS BUGS

The Meaning Of Ants

I asked some ants where they were going in such a hurry,
but they didn’t have time to respond. ‘Must dash, busy, busy!’
they chimed, all of a flurry in their matching black suits.
To and fro, it made me dizzy, the patio’s like rush hour at Piccadilly,
each going as fast as he can, each with his own grand task
and individually tailored pension plan.
After this initial hitch, I tried to stop another,
‘One word,’ he spluttered, ‘performance related pay, it’s a bitch.’
‘Hang on, that’s three words,’ I frowned,
but he had already slipped back into the crowd.

The Meaning Of Slugs

I asked a fat-gutted slug what it’s all about (he was easy to pin down).
He slurped some beer, burped and muttered something like
“Eng-ger-land”. ‘Sorry?’ I prodded, ‘I don’t think I understand,
What was that about the “green and pleasant” land?’
He nodded out of his stupor, slurred a loud ‘Yeah!’
and blinked to confirm his view. I waited, but
before long he was snoring, and dribbling too.
Later, he opened his eyes, but instead of a slimy pearl of wisdom
he grunted, ‘Are you still here? If you’ve got nothing better to do,
you can shunt off and get me another nice cold beer.’

The Meaning Of Mosquitoes

I asked a mosquito why she liked
to suck my blood. She tutted and replied:
‘I don’t understand what you’re saying,
what’s this “blood” stuff lady?’
She didn’t seem to realize that my blood is
how I know I’m alive.
She sniffed, shook her head
and rolled her eyes.
I mistook her gesture for miscomprehension
so I went on: ‘Listen,’ I retorted,
pointing my finger to drive it home,
‘Every time you take my blood,’
(I shuddered at the thought)
‘You take a bit of my life.’
‘Don’t tell me about life,’ she snorted,
‘this “blood” keeps me alive,
I’ve got kids to feed and a husband
who does nothing but sleep day and night.’
For a second, I felt a twinge of guilt.
She tilted her head, big eyes gazing up, quite calm.
In the end though, you won’t be amazed to hear
I squashed her, right there on my arm.