Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Bite me Romeo

I’m in love. I’m in love with a hundred-year-old fictional vampire named Edward. It’s an impossible love affair, doomed from the start because (a) he doesn’t know I exist and (b) he actually doesn’t exist. This small fact doesn’t stop me from dreaming about him at night though and from comparing my unfortunate other half’s actions with Edward’s. I’m too terrified of my own over-active imagination to admit ... who comes out on top. Just in case you forgot by the way, I’m thirty years old, I have a steady job and a mortgage. I like knitting for heaven’s sake. I’m not fourteen years old and even when I was fourteen I never obsessed this much, not even over Simon Harris who nearly made me faint once by just looking at me at the school disco. If you’ve read the Twilight series then you know what I’m talking about. Girls, forget ‘nobody puts Baby in the corner’, forget Romeo (he was just a squeaky voiced wimpy teenager anyway) and even forget Mr Darcy. Yes, you heard me, forget Mr Darcy. A new romantic hero has been born and I’m in a swoon just writing about him. Edward.

Ps: A first draft of the fifth book was recently leaked online and the horrifying result is that the author has decided to abandon working on it, at least for the moment. In a surprise move she has made this draft available on her website. I read all 264 pages last night. It’s like an illness that has me totally incapacitated. You have to see for yourselves: www.stepheniemeyer.com

5 comments:

sports man said...

what the hell are you talking about?!?! I'm lost, I know I only read the back pages of the newspapers but still is this just for people that read alot??

other half said...

Right ! I want a divorce !!!! and you can forget about the mortage because I'm throwing you out of the house tonight !! You can go and stay in your fary tale little castle and wait for whoever you want to come and save you.
I am devasted !!!

Your other (plainly) human half

Emma (aka Mrs Spike, or William the Bloody) said...

MY fictional fantasy vampire could stake YOUR fictional fantasy vampire with one hand tied behind his back and wearing a blindfold.
AND he has cooler hair and a leather jacket. And now he fights on the side of good but without having lost any of his ravaging and sexy good looks.

P.S. there is nothing "plainly human" about your other half.....

the sweet life with olives said...

just found your blog, and your writing has me in stitches! bummed that you haven't posted since september... did you move blogs?

Mel said...

hello sweet life with olives! thanks for your comment! actually i have been adding posts to my blog pretty regularly! click on the banner at the top and it should take you to the most recent pages. i'm off to to have a look at your blog now... melissa